What Does a Funeral Director Really Do? Grief, Family Dynamics & the Power of Pre-Planning

What does it really mean to be there for a family in their most vulnerable moment? In this episode of the Grief Ladies podcast, Karyn and Kelly sit down with Brittany DeMarco-Furman, a licensed funeral director, to explore the deeply human side of the funeral industry.

Brittany opens up about why interacting with grieving families is at the heart of everything she does — and how meaningful connection can make all the difference during one of life's hardest chapters. From the importance of pre-planning as a final gift to your loved ones, to navigating complicated family dynamics, to creating personalized memorials that truly honor a life lived — this conversation is full of wisdom, warmth, and practical guidance.

You'll also hear how music, storytelling, and community support can become powerful tools for healing, and why it's never too late to hold a service or celebrate a legacy.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why pre-planning your funeral relieves stress for the people you love most

• How funeral directors support families as guides, not just service providers

• Creative ways to honor and celebrate a loved one's life

• Why open conversations about death are an act of love

• How sharing stories and memories can be part of the healing process

"It's the last gift you can give your family." — Brittany DeMarco-Furman

Whether you're in the midst of grief, supporting someone who is, or simply want to be better prepared, this episode reminds us that honoring a life well-lived is one of the most healing things we can do.

You Don't Have to Grieve Alone: How Grief Coaching Groups Can Help

After a loss, one of the hardest things isn't just the grief itself — it's the feeling that no one around you really gets it. Grief support groups exist for exactly that reason: to put you in a room (or a Zoom) with people who understand because they've been there too. Grief in Common, founded by grief coach Karyn Arnold, offers virtual group support designed around connection, compassion, and real conversation.

What Makes a Grief Support Group Different From Going It Alone?

Grief can shrink your world quickly. Friends may not know what to say. Family members are grieving too, often in different ways. A support group offers something most of us can't find elsewhere — people who don't need you to explain yourself, because they already understand. Research consistently shows that social support is one of the most significant factors in how people move through grief. A group gives you that support on a regular, structured basis.

A 2021 review published in Death Studies found that grief support group participation was associated with significant reductions in feelings of isolation and improvements in overall coping. For many, the group itself becomes a lifeline.

What Groups Does Grief in Common Offer?

Karyn's Zoom grief support groups are organized around specific types of loss, so you're not walking into a generic room — you're connecting with people who share your particular experience. Current groups include support for those who have experienced the death of a spouse or partner, the death of a parent, and estrangement. Special topic seminars are also available on a rotating basis. All groups are led by Karyn and held in a safe, compassionate virtual environment.

What If You're Not Ready for a Group?

Group support isn't the right fit for everyone — at least not right away. If you're looking for something more personal, Karyn also offers one-on-one virtual coaching sessions. Individual coaching is tailored to your unique experience and goals, and gives you dedicated space to make sense of what you're going through, build tools for navigating daily life, and find ways to carry your person forward. Couples sessions are also available for when grief is putting strain on a relationship. Whether you start with individual coaching and move into a group later, or do both at once, Karyn meets you where you are.

What Can You Expect in a Grief in Common Group?

These groups are coaching-based, not therapy — which means the focus is on connection, practical tools, and finding your footing going forward. Sessions are held via Zoom, so you can join from wherever you are. Whether you're newly bereaved or further along and still looking for community, there's space for you here.

‍ ‍Grief can feel isolating, but healing happens in connection."

— Karyn Arnold, Grief Coach & Founder, Grief in Common

Who Is Karyn Arnold?

Karyn Arnold is a grief coach and the founder of Grief in Common. She works with individuals and groups navigating loss of all kinds, guided by empathy, connection, and hope. Karyn is also the co-host of the GRIEF Ladies podcast, where she and I dig into what grief actually looks like — and what it means to keep living alongside it.

Visit Karyn’s website at www.griefincommon.com to sign up for one of her groups or individual coaching session.

Please note: Grief in Common offers coaching services, not therapy. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need clinical support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

What Can You Do Right Now to Support a Grieving Child?

You don't have to have all the answers. You don't have to say the perfect thing.

What grieving children need most is the presence of adults who aren't afraid to stay in the conversation with them.

A few places to start:

Use clear, honest language about what happened. Children deserve the truth, offered gently and attuned to their age and understanding.

Talk about the person who died. Say their name. Share stories. Pull out photos. When children hear adults speak freely about who that person was, they learn that it's safe for them to do the same.

Follow the child's lead. Some days they'll want to talk. Some days they'll want to play. Both are grief. Neither is wrong.

Validate what they're feeling without rushing them past it. Tears are okay. Anger is okay. Laughter is okay too — children move in and out of grief in ways that can surprise adults, and that's completely normal.

And if you're a grieving adult who is also trying to support a grieving child, please don't forget: you need support too. You cannot pour from an empty place, and asking for help — from a friend, a counselor, a support group, or anyone who has spoken to your heart — is not weakness. It's where rebuilding begins.

About the Guest: Jennifer Kimlingen, LCSW

Jennifer Kimlingen is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker specializing in grief, bereavement, traumatic loss, and children's grief. She completed her undergraduate and graduate degrees from Adelphi University in 2014 and has a clinical background spanning medical social work, grief counseling, and private practice. Jennifer currently serves as a bereavement counselor with Choices Health and provides grief education for mental health clinicians through the Agents of Change Continuing Education platform. She presents regularly on children's grief and bereavement and is committed to building a more informed, less avoidant professional culture around death and loss. Jennifer lives in Carlisle, Pennsylvania with her husband and two children.

Listen to this episode: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2MBleeO1Yy6Xni69EIs4jT?si=7uzYVocvRlGApRDPastrog

How Children Grieve: Supporting Kids (and Yourself) After a Loss

How Children Grieve: Supporting Kids (and Yourself) After a Loss

Grief doesn’t look the same at every age.

In this episode, we’re joined by clinical social worker Jennifer Kimlingen to talk about how children process loss, why grief can resurface at different developmental stages, and how adults can create safe, supportive environments for grieving kids.

You’ll hear:

• How children express grief at different ages

• Why routine and structure help during acute loss

• The role of self-compassion for caregivers

• Storytelling as a powerful way to honor loved ones

• Why it’s okay not to have all the answers

No child should ever grieve alone — and caregivers deserve support, too.

As always, we close with practical steps you can try this week.

Why Does Structure Matter When You're Grieving?

When someone dies, your daily routine often disappears with them — and the empty space that's left can feel just as disorienting as the grief itself. Structure is not about keeping busy or moving on; it is about giving yourself something to hold onto when everything feels chaotic. In Episode 3 of the GRIEF Ladies Podcast, Karyn and Kelly dig into Rebuilding — the R in the G.R.I.E.F. framework — and why creating even small, predictable anchors in your day can make a real difference.

Why does grief destroy your sense of routine?

Grief does not just take the person — it takes the shape of your days. If you lived with someone, made decisions with them, or structured your time around caring for them, their absence leaves a gap in the ordinary fabric of your life. Karyn describes it well in the episode: many grieving people find themselves at three or four o'clock in the afternoon with no idea where their day went. The calendar is empty. The momentum is gone.

Grief brain compounds this. The mental fog, the difficulty concentrating, the forgetfulness — these are not signs that something is wrong with you. They are what happens when your brain is overwhelmed. And without some structure to fall back on, days can pass in a blur that leaves you feeling worse, not better.

Grief activates the brain's stress response systems, impairing function in the prefrontal cortex — the area responsible for planning, decision-making, and focus. Structured routines reduce cognitive load by making certain decisions automatic, which helps preserve mental energy during bereavement. (Sources: neuroscience of grief literature; Harvard Health Publishing)

The goal of rebuilding is not a rigid schedule. It is a few predictable anchors — a morning routine, a consistent mealtime, a designated time to lean into grief rather than avoid it — that make the day feel less like something happening to you and more like something you are moving through.

What does "structuring your grief" actually mean — and why does it help?

One of the most counterintuitive tools Karyn and Kelly talk about in this episode is intentionally making time for grief rather than letting it ambush you. Karyn shares the story of a client who walked every day and used that time to cry, think, and process. When illness interrupted her walks for a couple of weeks, she fell apart at the grocery store — grief that had no outlet finally found one. The lesson: grief is patient. If you do not make space for it, it will make space for itself.

Setting an intention matters too. Kelly shares something Karyn told her shortly after her father died — that there is a difference between collapsing in front of Netflix because you feel guilty doing nothing, and choosing to watch Netflix because you need three hours of rest. That small shift in framing changes everything. Grieving people need permission to rest, and sometimes the permission has to come from themselves.

Hear Karyn and Kelly talk through what this actually looks like in practice — including the daily structure ideas they share with their own clients: Listen to Episode 3 of the GRIEF Ladies Podcast → https://youtu.be/wbJVX3Q2iv8?si=RDMeAnz56crw8hih

Other GRIEF Ladies Podcast Episodes:

• Why Does Taking Care of Your Body Matter When You're Grieving? → LINK: https://youtu.be/vgcyjbdDAkc?si=HB99vcD1fFdu7s0E Episode 2 covers Grounding, the foundation beneath Rebuilding: eating, sleep, and movement after loss.

• How Does Grief Change Your Relationships? → LINK: https://youtu.be/ZK6kiFNrImw?si=bFiPev8UeOy0b_xM  — Episode 4 moves up the framework to Interacting: navigating communication, family dynamics, and connection after loss.

• What Is the G.R.I.E.F. Framework and How Does It Work? → LINK:https://youtu.be/_0ld4dnUT7I?si=89da5nbDXHa9KOmZ  — An overview of all five pillars and the thinking behind this approach.

Grief and Sleep Disruption: CBT-I in Bereavement Support

You may have heard general sleep advice before — keep a consistent schedule, avoid screens, limit caffeine. These things aren't wrong, but for many grieving people, they aren't enough. That's because what develops over weeks of poor sleep isn't just bad habits. It's a conditioned response.

When your bed becomes the place where you lie awake, ruminate, and feel the full weight of your loss night after night, your brain starts to associate that space with wakefulness and distress rather than rest. It's not intentional — it just happens. And once it does, general sleep hygiene advice doesn't touch it.

This is where Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia — CBTI — comes in. CBTI is an evidence-based approach that directly addresses the thoughts and behaviors that keep insomnia going. It doesn't just tell you to go to bed at the same time every night. It works with the specific patterns that have developed and helps retrain the relationship between you, your bed, and sleep.

In a recent episode of the GRIEF Ladies Podcast, we sat down with Dr. Larissa Tate, a licensed psychologist with specialized training in CBTI, to talk about exactly how this applies to grief. Her approach is practical, grounded, and genuinely useful for anyone who has been struggling with sleep since their loss. Listen to this episode at: https://youtu.be/VugKGA4SFYw?si=pNZG4QM9pMO2sh0N

Guest Bio: Dr. Larissa Tate is a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Momentum Behavioral Health, a private practice serving clients in New York, Maryland, North Carolina, Alabama, and Florida. She specializes in the assessment and treatment of sleep disorders, anxiety, and trauma, with particular expertise in working with professionals in high-stakes, high-pressure roles including caregivers, medical professionals, attorneys, first responders, military personnel, and others who are used to carrying a lot and rarely slowing down. Her work is grounded in science and evidence-based treatments and a practical, skills-focused approach. Dr. Tate helps driven individuals get out of survival mode, sleep better, manage stress more effectively, and build resilience in ways that are sustainable – without sacrificing their ambition or values.

She has trained and worked in a range of medical and behavioral health settings, including sleep clinics, primary care, intensive outpatient programs, neurology clinics, and major military and VA medical centers. She earned her doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the Uniformed Services University and completed her residency at the University of Alabama-Birmingham VA Medical Center. In addition to individual and group therapy, Dr. Tate also provides diagnostic assessments and military psychological evaluations and is passionate about helping clients create meaningful, lasting change

Connect with Larisa: www.momentumbehavioralhealth.com

Grief & Insomnia: CBT-I Tools to Help You Sleep Again

Grief & Insomnia: CBTI Tools to Help You Sleep Again

If you’ve been lying awake at night since someone died, you’re not alone.

Grief often disrupts sleep, making bedtime feel anxious, frustrating, or emotionally overwhelming. For many people, insomnia becomes one of the most exhausting parts of loss.

In this episode of the GRIEF Ladies Podcast, we’re joined by Dr. Larissa Tate to explore how Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) can help. CBTI is an evidence-based approach that helps rebuild healthy sleep habits — even during grief.

We talk about:

• Why grief interferes with sleep

• How nighttime anxiety develops

• What CBTI actually involves

• Sleep hygiene myths

• The role of medication

• Why napping can worsen insomnia

• Small, manageable steps to improve your sleep

Sleep struggles during grief are common — and they’re treatable.

As always, we close with practical tools you can try this week, because grief changes your life — and you deserve support that helps you live inside that change.

Listen at: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0mJXiHNcn53FF6ipIz5eaN?si=MGSQEUD5S86F_xWP7CNiyw

Related topics: grief and insomnia, CBTI for sleep, sleep problems after loss, nighttime anxiety during grief.

Anticipatory Grief & Alzheimer’s: Coping While Caring for Someone Still Alive

Anticipatory Grief & Alzheimer’s: Coping While Caring for Someone Still Alive

Grief doesn’t always wait for death.

When you’re caring for someone with Alzheimer’s — especially younger onset Alzheimer’s — you may find yourself grieving ongoing changes long before the end of life. This is anticipatory grief, and it can feel confusing, exhausting, and deeply isolating.

In this episode, we explore:

• What anticipatory grief feels like

• The emotional realities of caregiving

• Why building a support community matters

• Self-care strategies that are actually realistic

• Finding moments of connection and joy along the way

Caregiving is love in action — and caregivers deserve care, too.

As always, we close with practical steps you can try this week.

Watch this powerful episode at: https://youtu.be/UPgVDR284-w?si=w9lhcyCPS-zU4KPF

Grief Support That Actually Helps: Meet the Grief Ladies

Most people who are grieving have heard the same things: there’s no right way to grieve, give it time, let yourself feel it. And while there is truth in all of that, it leaves out the most important question — what do you actually do?

That is the question behind The Grief Ladies podcast. Hosts Kelly Daugherty, LCSW, and Karyn Arnold bring over 50 combined years of experience supporting grieving individuals — and in Episode 1, they introduce themselves, share what drew them to this work, and lay out the GRIEF framework that will guide the entire series.

Kelly’s path into grief work began at 14, after the death of her mother, when she walked into a hospice grief group and finally felt less alone. Karyn found her way in through bereavement work with seniors in her mid-20s — and never looked back. Together, they share a belief that grief is not something to simply endure. There are real tools, practical steps, and small shifts that can make a meaningful difference.

In this episode, you’ll hear about the GRIEF framework — a step-by-step approach covering Grounding, Rebuilding, Interacting, Evolving, and Finding — and why moving forward does not mean leaving your loved one behind. It means taking them with you.

▶️  Listen to Episode 1:  https://youtu.be/_0ld4dnUT7I?si=89da5nbDXHa9KOmZ

Grief in the Body: Somatic Tools for Healing After Loss

Grief in the Body: Somatic Tools for Healing After Loss

Grief doesn’t stay in your thoughts — it often shows up in your body.

In this episode, we explore how loss can affect your identity, self-esteem, and physical health. Joined by somatic coach Jay Moon Fields, we talk about embodied grief, why physical symptoms like tension and stomach aches are common, and simple tools to help process emotions safely.

You’ll learn:

• Why grief can impact your body

• How loss reshapes self-identity

• Practical somatic tools for emotional release

• The “Of Course” validation technique

• How to advocate for yourself during grief

Grief changes you — but it can also deepen your self-awareness.

As always, we close with one practical step you can try this week.

Grief After Estrangement: Healing Complicated Relationships Through Ritual & Creativity

Grief After Estrangement: Healing Complicated Relationships Through Ritual & Creativity

What happens when someone you were estranged from dies?

Grief after estrangement can bring layers of emotion — sadness, anger, relief, regret, gratitude — sometimes all at once. When a relationship was complicated, the grieving process can feel confusing and isolating.

In this episode (GRIEF Ladies Episode #29), we talk with Sam Sundius about navigating loss after estrangement, honoring both the hard and meaningful parts of a relationship, and using ritual and creativity as tools for healing.

We explore:

• How grief shows up when the relationship wasn’t simple

• Why grief and gratitude can coexist

• The power of intentional rituals

• Creativity as an outlet for emotional processing

• Finding meaning without rewriting the past

As always, we close with a practical step you can try — because grief changes your life, and you deserve tools that help you live inside that change. Watch this episode at: https://youtu.be/Ab68YHJfgW0?si=eXk9yypx-6jfj0s1

Related topics: estranged parent grief, complicated relationships, ritual for grief, creative grief support.

What Do You Do With a Loved One's Belongings After They Die?

Sorting through a loved one's belongings after they die is one of the hardest parts of grief — and one of the least talked about. The short answer: start with the stories behind the things, not the things themselves, and give yourself permission to go at whatever pace you need. In this episode of the GRIEF Ladies Podcast, Kelly and Karyn sit down with decluttering specialist Janine McDonald to explore the emotional and practical realities of going through someone's stuff.

Why Is This So Much Harder Than It Sounds?

It's rarely the furniture that stops people in their tracks. More often it's the small things — a pillbox, a well-worn hat, something that seems insignificant to everyone else but holds an entire relationship inside it. Janine explains that objects carry stories, and those stories are what make this process so emotionally complex. Her approach isn't about tidying up — it's about understanding what something meant before deciding what to do with it.

Research from the American Psychological Association identifies decision-making as one of the most cognitively taxing tasks during bereavement, as grief significantly affects attention, memory, and executive function — which helps explain why even small choices about belongings can feel impossible.

How Do You Move Forward Without Feeling Like You're Letting Go of the Person?

This is where the episode gets really good. Janine shares specific, compassionate strategies for when you want to keep everything, when family members disagree, when there's no sentimental meaning but releasing something still feels wrong, and how to repurpose items that can't be used the way they were intended. She also offers one practical gut-check question that Karyn said she'll be thinking about for a long time.

The through-line of everything Janine shares: the memories live in you, not in the objects.

Listen to the full episode (https://youtu.be/9OXwDgETf6E?si=Ky5BkdP1RfvObfWI) to hear Janine's step-by-step approach, her real client stories, and her advice for anyone who feels completely stuck on where to even begin.

Can You Still Connect With Someone Who Has Died? April Hannah Says Yes | GRIEF Ladies Ep. 26

What if the connection doesn't have to end when someone dies?

That's exactly what we explored in Episode 26 of GRIEF Ladies: A Guide to What Comes Next with our guest April Hannah — licensed therapist,

intuitive healer, and someone who has spent over 26 years helping people heal in ways that go far beyond traditional therapy.

Where Science Meets Spirit

April's work bridges two worlds that don't always get to sit at the same table — clinical psychotherapy and what she calls the mystical. Think Reiki, sound healing, guided art, and a fascinating evidence-based therapy protocol called Induced After-Death Communication.

Yes, you read that right. Evidence-based.

What makes this episode extra special is that April and I (Kelly) are trained in this protocol together — and actually just wrapped up one of our Induced After-Death Communication retreats the weekend before we recorded this. Safe to say we are both still buzzing from it.

And before you scroll past — research suggests that between 50 and 75 percent of people experience some form of after-death communication after

losing someone they love. So chances are, something April talks about in this episode is going to feel very familiar.

Signs, Dreams & Staying Connected

April gets into the many ways those who have died may reach out — and more importantly, how you can open yourself up to receiving those

connections. She shares practical steps anyone can start today, whether you're a believer, a skeptic, or somewhere in between.

Because, as April says, she's no longer skeptical. And after hearing what happened at her retreat the weekend before this episode was recorded,

we're not surprised. You'll want to hear that part. 🎧

Plus — April Gets Personal

We asked April how she stays connected to her own mom, who has died. Her answer is tender, real, and gives you a glimpse into how someone who does this work professionally still navigates it in her own everyday life.

Listen to Episode 26 here:https://youtu.be/bTayMPCvKYY

Connect with April:

🌐 HannahsHealing.com

📲 Search: April Hannah + after death communication

Have you ever experienced a sign or moment of connection from someone who has died? We'd love to hear about it in the comments on YouTube. This community is a safe space to share — no skepticism here.

What Learning to Swim Taught Us About Grief — with Cori Myka | GRIEF Ladies Ep. 25

What could learning to swim possibly have to do with grief?

More than you'd think.

In Episode 25 of GRIEF Ladies: A Guide to What Comes Next, we welcomed Cori Myka, founder of Calm Within Adult Swim, and the conversation took

a turn we didn't expect — in the best possible way.

Fear. Overwhelm. Not Knowing What Comes Next.

Cori works with adults who are terrified of the water. And as she started describing what her clients experience — the fear, the overwhelm,

the pressure to get it right — we couldn't help but notice how much it sounded like grief.

Because grief puts you in a whole new world too. One where you don't know the rules, you don't know what's coming, and everyone around you

seems to expect you to just figure it out.

Cori shared a powerful framework for slowing all of that down — and it turns out it works whether you're standing at the edge of a pool or

standing at the edge of a whole new life without someone you love.

The Takeaway You Can Try Right Now

One of our favorite moments in this episode was when Cori shared a simple, practical tool you can use anywhere — in a meeting, in a grocery

store line, at a family gathering — when a grief wave hits and you need to come back to yourself.

It's small. It's tangible. And it just might help.

You'll have to listen to get the full details. 🎧

Plus — Cori Shares Something Personal

We also asked Cori how she celebrates those who have died in her own life. Her answer was beautiful, unexpected, and something that stuck

with us long after we stopped recording.

Listen to Episode 25 here: https://youtu.be/aiLqrtJuFI8

Connect with Cori:

🌐 adultswimlesson.com

📲 @CalmWithinAdultSwim

Have you ever found an unexpected connection between something in your life and your grief? Tell us in the comments of the video — we'd love to hear it.

Still Celebrating Them: How 5 Guests Honor Those Who Have Died

Grief doesn't end the love. And for so many of us, it doesn't end the celebrating either.

One of the questions I get asked most in the grief community is — is it okay to still celebrate someone who has died? Their birthday. Their

favorite holiday. The little everyday moments that used to belong to them.

The answer is yes. Absolutely, beautifully, yes.

And on GRIEF Ladies: A Guide to What Comes Next, five of our incredible guests showed us exactly how they do it.

This Topic Is Deeply Personal to Me

I recently contributed Chapter 17 to The Ultimate Guide to Self-Healing, Volume 6 — a collaborative project with Brave Healer Productions. My chapter is titled Celebrate Their Life: Focusing on Gratitude, Connection, and What Still Remains.

In it, I share my own grief story. My mom died when I was 14. In November 2024, my dad died too. And learning to stay connected to them changed everything about how I experience grief. The chapter explores how grief and gratitude can coexist — and how honoring the life of someone we love can soften grief without any pressure to move on or let go.

"Grief doesn't ask us to let go of our loved ones — it invites us to find new ways to carry them forward."

I also created a meditation to go alongside the chapter. If you're looking for a gentle place to start, this is it. 💛

▶️ Watch the meditation here: https://youtu.be/ionQT1zRMAE?si=_WNsz0kdodVf-W_8

Check out the Ultimate Guide to Self Healing - Volume 6 at: https://a.co/d/03Wuh0hm

What Does It Mean to Celebrate Those Who Have Died?

Celebrating those who have died looks different for everyone. For some it's a ritual — lighting a candle, cooking their favorite meal, visiting a special place. For others it's showing up to their birthday with balloons and tears and laughter all at once. There is no right way.

There is only your way.

What I've learned from hosting GRIEF Ladies is that the people who find ways to keep celebrating those who have died often find it to be one of the most healing parts of their grief journey. Not because it makes the pain go away — but because it keeps the connection alive.

5 Guests. 5 Ways of Still Celebrating Them.

In this special highlights video, I pulled clips from five recent episodes where each guest shared how they continue to honor and celebrate those who have died.

💛 Featured guests:

- Kelly Myerson (Ep. 22)

- Kat Farace (Ep. 23)

- Charlotte Shuber (Ep. 24)

- Cori Myka (Ep. 25)

- April Hannah (Ep. 26)

Each of these guests brought something so real and so personal to their episode. Watching their clips together in one video is a reminder that grief is not one size fits all — and neither is celebrating those we love who have died.

Watch the Video

▶️ https://youtu.be/qEnbe_t6t3M

I hope this video gives you permission — if you needed it — to keep celebrating. To keep marking the days. To keep saying their name.

If any of these guests' stories resonated with you, I'd love for you to watch their full episodes. You can find them all linked below.

🎙️ Full Episodes:

- Kelly Myerson — Episode 22: https://youtu.be/Oj5HF0xuHhU?si=MU5oBHHuILkhZt6

- Kat Farace — Episode 23: https://youtu.be/xRevq_ZcDYo?si=9Pl3DTUQXpJa20Ww

- Charlotte Shuber — Episode 24: https://youtu.be/5OEe88S1Sk4?si=ZhPOnLbf6OJr0BXN

- Cori Myka — Episode 25: https://youtu.be/aiLqrtJuFI8?si=PuS0JThk4BY43s1m

- April Hannah — Episode 26: https://youtu.be/bTayMPCvKYY?si=gMWPaAyvhobg_VJH

Tell Me — How Do You Celebrate?

How do you celebrate those who have died in your life? Drop it in the comments on the video. This community always shows up for each other, and I know your answer might be exactly what someone else needed to read today.

And if you're not already part of our GRIEF Ladies Facebook community, come join us. It's one of the most real, supportive spaces on the

internet for people navigating grief. 👉 https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1Ak735EmTo/

Grieving in the Second Year After a Loss

There is a pretty well-accepted theory on grieving that the first year is the hardest. The loss is so new, the first months can be spent in a blur of shock and disbelief.

This can be especially true for a sudden loss, but can surprise people when they are in “shock” even after a loved one has died following a long and drawn out illness.

I’ve said it many times: nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can prepare us for the finality of death.

Navigating that first year, through anniversaries, birthdays and holidays can feel endless. But the assumption for most is that as long as they can get through that, it should be smoother sailing in the days ahead.

And then year 2 happens.

The second Mother’s Day without a mom. The second wedding anniversary without a spouse. A second Christmas without a child. And the griever may find themselves thinking, “this isn’t any easier”.

Some people have told me that the second year was actually more of a challenge. Perhaps because of expectation – expecting to feel better and then feeling even more disappointed and sad when they didn’t. Or maybe it’s because the more time passes, the longer we’ve had to live without that person. The longer it’s been since we’ve seen them or heard their voice.

This is a terrifying thought for the newly bereaved, to think that it’s not going to be a steady climb upwards in grieving and healing, and I don’t share this to scare those who are in their very early days.

But expectations are a big part of our mindset, even when we’re not in the stages of grief. How much more do we enjoy the movie or party that we thought was going to be terrible? How disappointed are we when a long planned vacation-of-a-lifetime turns out to be not all what we would have hoped?

If ever there was a time when we need to be setting realistic expectations for ourselves, then certainly our time of grieving is one of them.

Throw away the timelines.

Don’t compare yourself with those whom you know have had a loss. The coworker who was back to work smiling only a few days after her Dad died? She was crying every day on the way to and from work. The family member who thinks that 18 months after your husband died you should be dating again? She has no idea what this loss feels like, what your love felt like, or what is right for you.

Be patient with yourself. Be patient with those who don’t understand. Don’t expect today to be hard and tomorrow to be easy. Honor wherever you are right in this moment and know that even if it feels uncomfortable, unsettling and uneasy, that it’s probably exactly where you need to be.

Stay open to the idea of hope and optimism – but don’t set a timeline for its arrival.

Improving Communication When No One Understands...

A Free Online Workshop from the GRIEF Ladies

You have people in your life who love you. And somehow, you still feel completely alone in your grief.

They say the wrong things. They move on too quickly. They ask how you are doing, and you say "I'm fine" — because what else are you supposed to say? Because explaining it feels exhausting. Because you're not sure they can really handle the honest answer.

If any of this sounds familiar, we want you to know: this is one of the most common and most painful parts of grief. And it is exactly what Kelly Daugherty and Karyn Arnold are tackling in their upcoming free workshop.

What This Workshop Is About

On Wednesday, April 23rd, from 4 to 5 PM EST, the GRIEF Ladies are hosting a free one-hour online event focused on one of the most frustrating parts of loss: communicating with the people around you when they just don't get it.

They will help you understand why the people who care about you still manage to say all the wrong things — and more importantly, what you can actually do about it.

What You Will Walk Away With

In just one hour, you will gain practical tools to help you:

• Understand why grief makes communication so hard — and why that is not your fault

• Know what to say (and what not to say) in the conversations that feel impossible

• Figure out who is actually safe to confide in — and how to protect your energy with everyone else

• Navigate the comments that sting, even when they come from a good place

• Move forward in relationships that have felt strained or disconnected since your loss

• You will leave with real tools you can use immediately — no matter how recent or long your grief has been.

Who This Is For

This event is open to anyone grieving any type of loss — a partner, parent, child, sibling, friend, or any meaningful relationship. Whether your grief is fresh or has been with you for years, this session is for you if you have ever thought:

"Why doesn't anyone understand what this is like?"

"I don't have the energy to explain myself anymore."

"I wish I knew what to say — or what not to say."

About the GRIEF Ladies

Karyn Arnold and Kelly Daugherty are the founders and facilitators of the GRIEF Ladies, and between them they have spent over 50 years walking alongside thousands of grieving individuals. Their approach is practical, direct, and built around one core belief: that grief is not something you just have to sit with. Actionable steps make all the difference.

Their GRIEF Framework — Grounding, Rebuilding, Interacting, Evolving, and Finding — is the guide they use to help people move from grieving with pain to grieving with love, while staying connected to the people they have lost.

This workshop focuses on the I: Interacting — because how we communicate after loss matters more than most people realize.

Event Details

Date:  Wednesday, April 23, 2025

Time:  4:00 – 5:00 PM EST

Cost:  Free

Register: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule/85af7470/appointment/89553879/calendar/2617012

Reserve Your Free Spot

Space is limited. Register now to receive your link to join.

https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule/85af7470/appointment/89553879/calendar/2617012

Questions? Reach us at griefladies@gmail.com

More resources at www.griefladies.com

The Guilt of Relief in Grief

When speaking with a person who has recently lost a loved one to a long illness, I often hear them say “I’m just relieved that she’s gone.”

And this statement is almost certainly followed with something like: “It’s just that she was suffering for such a long time. I love my mom, but for those last few years she wasn’t herself. She had no quality of life and I know she would not have wanted to live that way.…”

The fact is that relief is a complicated emotion when coupled with grieving.

Even people who have the ability to express relief out loud can’t do so without explaining how they could feel “relieved” that someone they love has died.

Watching someone we love get diagnosed with a disease, suffer with its symptoms and ultimately die is one of the most traumatic things we can experience.

As we watch a loved one lose every fundamental ability during an especially long illness, we may find ourselves wishing it would end.

And why is this “guilt of relief” such a strange concept? When we struggled at other points in our lives, didn’t we find we could freely express that we wanted the struggle to be over? Wasn’t voicing our relief almost always acceptable?

Understanding the Guilt of Relief

Finding relief on the other side of loss is nothing to feel guilty about, and certainly not something that should require an explanation.

Yet the guilt this conflict leaves is something few people find they are able to shake.

While so few parts of the grieving process could ever be considered simple, in this case a subtle shift in perspective could be what makes the difference.

When speaking to someone who reluctantly admits feeling this “guilt of relief” following the loss of a loved one, I offer one simple idea:

“You are not relieved that your loved one has died. You are relieved that a time in your life marked by stress, uncertainty and suffering is now over.”

Give it a try. See if this change in perspective can make a difference. Don’t make this process any harder than it has to be and let yourself off the hook when you can. You have been through one of the most difficult and challenging experiences a person can endure. If you are able to feel even a small sense of relief, it is not something to hide, but to embrace.

And remember that you aren’t alone in your grief, or in experiencing your guilt of relief. Our forums offer you a place to see and share stories of grieving with people who have gone through losses of their own.

There’s even a section called Life After Caregiving. If you feel like you can’t say the things you feel out loud, start there. Share your experience with those who have been where you’ve been.

Grief Making You Feel “Lazy”? Why It Happens & How To Help

Lazy. Such a strange word in the way that it can be used so differently throughout our lives. A lazy coworker or teenager can be a terrible source of frustration but a lazy Sunday can be one of our greatest joys.

In grief, I find it works a little differently. So often I speak with people who tell me they feel lazy or identify as this new lazy person that they don’t recognize – so new from the go go go that they were used to before.

In this respect these aren’t people enjoying the leisure of a well deserved break, but instead a frustrating new side of themselves that they don’t understand and can’t see a way out of.

So first and foremost, let’s start by changing the language. Because I don’t think lazy in any of the ways we’re used to saying it works for someone who has had a loss. The circumstances are too different, too extreme, and a change of our language and perspective may just be what we need to make the change.

Grief is exhausting. I say this all the time and EVERY griever I speak with quickly agrees, and yet…it’s this same person who doesn’t understand why they feel less motivated, interested, or energized.

I think it’s important that we start by recognizing and validating just HOW MUCH WORK it takes to grieve. Sure, it doesn’t look like much- from the outside it may not look like anything at all. Picture for a moment those cartoons where you can see the cogs and wheels inside a person’s brain, only imagine that the only thing turning around in there is grief.

And it’s not just sadness. It’s the questioning, the second guessing, the anger, regret, remorse, anxiety, worry and uncertainty. It’s the time travel of revisiting the past, unable to shake images of the last days, weeks or months. And the worry and uncertainty of the future. What now? Where do I go from here?

The quiet griever is actually quite busy in that head of theirs and unfortunately not too many of their thoughts can be viewed as anything close to positive.

So how do we help?

Start with the basics.

One of the first things I ask the people I’m working with is, “how have you been sleeping?”. The answers may vary but there’s no denying that whether a griever struggles to fall asleep, or has a hard time staying asleep, losing sleep in grief is a norm for many and it’s having a very big impact on their days.

How can we be expected to function during the day if we’re not sleeping at night? Grief brings with it such a deep sadness and sluggishness, we may not even recognize the role being tired is playing in our inability to heal. The exhaustion blends in so easily with the rest of the experiences of grieving.

So starting with the basics, we want to look at our sleep and make sure we’re getting enough of it. It takes time, it takes patience, and it takes practice but a good night’s sleep is well within your grasp. To learn more you can read our previous article on sleep here: HOW TO GET A BETTER NIGHT’S SLEEP WHEN GRIEVING.

“Are you eating right?”. That’s another another question I ask of the people I work with. And by right I mean, are you eating often enough? Is it at least somewhat healthy and not all fast food or food that comes out of a can? While food is really such a big part of our days, at least in earlier parts of our life, the healing nature of it is sadly overlooked and can make a real difference in the energy we need to grieve. Just as athletes fuel up for their physical performance – a griever needs real nourishment if they’re going to have what it takes to get through their own emotional marathon. This too has been addressed in an earlier article and if you’re interested in learning more you can find it here: FOOD AS FUEL FOR SELF CARE AND HEALING.

Next, let’s think about the personality changes that happen after loss. There is nothing more visible than the very huge void a loved one leaves in their passing. So while it’s so easy to see just how much has changed in our routine and in the landscape of our life following loss, we don’t always realize just how much has changed in us.

Take a moment to think, just off the top of your head, 3 personality traits that you have identified with, or labeled yourself as, for most of your adult life.

Organized? Patient? Optimistic? Creative? Productive? Caring? Focused?

Now think about how many of those traits feel within your grasp, right now, in the very depths of grief.

Most will say that the strengths so easily available to them in earlier parts of life seem so out of reach when grieving. And it’s this that also adds to that feeling of “lazy”. Because let’s face it….who cares and what does it matter?

I often hear people use the phrase “matter of life and death” – as in, “call me back when you get a moment- it’s not a matter of life and death”. Translation?

It’s not important.

So many things in life prior to loss seem sooooo important. There are deadlines, plans, and expectations, and the desire to do everything just right.

But after loss? Not so much. It doesn’t seem so important anymore. After loss we realize that geez – basically nothing is a matter of life and death and after the death of someone we love, everything else seems just really really small and insignificant.

So who cares? Why bother?

I’ve had this question in some way or another asked so many times from so many people that I think together we’ve actually come up with some idea of an answer.

If looking at any effort we make as an attempt to change our life in a way so that it no longer reflects things that have happened and can’t be undone (like the loss of someone we love) than we’ll always be right: it won’t make a difference.

Nothing can change the reality of loss, and that takes a really long time to adapt to that information.

So it’s true: getting a good night’s sleep doesn’t make a loved one come back. Eating well doesn’t make a loved one come back. Making a new friend, or engaging in a hobby, or working in the garden or fixing up the house doesn’t make a loved one come back.

So what difference does it make? Well, perhaps if we do a few things differently and slowly find our way to some part of ourselves and our lives that are somewhat familiar and recognizable maybe we can make this new reality just a little more tolerable.

We already know what inaction looks like. What becoming stagnant and stuck, and what feeling “lazy” looks like.

Doing a few things to make life better may possibly do just that – make this life a little better.

You’re NOT lazy. Have compassion for yourself. Give yourself some grace. Be patient with yourself and this process.

All of those things rattling around in your head that are causing so much stress will often seem so unreachable and hard to solve, no matter how many exhausting times we go over it. Why? Because they are unreachable and unfixable. At least today. Today you can’t fix it all.

So take all of this one step at a time and start with the basics.

1. Validate this experience by understanding why grief is so hard and lasts so long.

2. Improve your sleep – and do not expect anything else to improve until that does.

3. Make sure you’re eating well. Nourish yourself. Take care of yourself on this very basic level and remember – it matters, and you matter.

4. Be patient. Take this one day at a time, one hour at a time, and don’t let the overwhelming nature of it overwhelm you, make you stagnant or slow you down.

5. Change your perspective and consider the alternatives. We already know what this (current state of grief) looks like. What would one small change do and could it bring you even one step closer to healing?

No, this isn’t the life you planned for or expected and it’s not the one you wanted or asked for. But don’t give up on trying to make it better. Because it just may work.

Growing Around Grief: Staying Connected While Moving Forward After Loss

Have you ever wondered if it's okay to still feel close to someone who has died? If holding onto their memory somehow means you're not healing — or moving on the "right" way?

You are not alone. And the answer might surprise you.

In this powerful episode (24) of the GRIEF Ladies Podcast, licensed clinical social worker Charlotte Shuber flips the script on what grief is supposed to look like — and gives grieving women permission to carry their loved ones with them, not leave them behind.

You Don't Have to Let Go to Move Forward

One of the most damaging myths about grief is that healing means detaching. That at some point, you pack up the memories, put them away, and "get back to normal."

Charlotte's message is the opposite: staying connected to someone who died is not only healthy — it's part of how we grow.

Rather than moving on, she invites us to move forward — with our loved ones woven into who we are becoming.

What You'll Take Away from This Episode

• Why "letting go" is the wrong goal — and what to reach for instead

• How to interact with your emotions and memories in ways that fuel healing, not avoidance

• Charlotte's personal story of loss and how it shaped her clinical approach

• Practical tools for maintaining a connection with a loved one while still fully living your life

• Why grief is not a problem to solve — it's a relationship to tend

The GRIEF Framework: Interacting

This episode falls under the I — Interacting category of the GRIEF Framework, which focuses on how we engage with our inner world: our emotions, our memories, and the ongoing relationship we have with those we've lost.

Charlotte's approach reminds us that grief is not passive. It requires us to show up — to sit with what hurts, to speak the names of those we love, and to let that love continue to shape us.

About Charlotte Shuber

Charlotte Shuber is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in grief and loss. She works with children, teens, and adults, combining professional expertise with her own lived experience of loss. Charlotte is passionate about creating a compassionate space where people can explore grief openly, adapt to life changes, and discover meaningful ways to stay connected—with loved ones who have died, with others, and with themselves.

Connect with Charlotte:  https://www.creatingspacetherapy.com/charlotte-shuber-lcsw

Ready to Listen?

🎙️ Tune in to this episode of the GRIEF Ladies Podcast wherever you listen to podcasts or on YouTube— and share it with someone who needs to hear that staying connected is not a weakness. It's wisdom.

Because you don't have to choose between honoring them and living fully. You were never meant to.

The GRIEF Ladies Podcast is dedicated to supporting grieving individuals through loss with real conversations, expert guidance, and community.