What Actually Helps: 5 Practical Grief Coping Tools from Real People

Nobody hands you a manual when someone dies.

You're just supposed to figure it out. And most of the advice out there?

It's vague, it's generic, and honestly — it doesn't help.

That's why I love asking our GRIEF Ladies guests to share one practical

coping tool that has actually made a difference in their grief journey.

Not theory. Not platitudes. Just real, actionable steps from real people

who are living it.

5 Guests. 5 Real Coping Tools.

I pulled the actionable steps from five recent episodes and put them

together in one video — because sometimes you just need something

concrete to try.

💛 Featured guests:

- Kelly Myerson (Ep. 22)

- Kat Farace (Ep. 23)

- Charlotte Shuber (Ep. 24)

- Cori Myka (Ep. 25)

- April Hannah (Ep. 26)

Watch it here: https://youtu.be/qpig6OP0Uvk

Your Turn

After you watch, comment on the video. What is one coping tool that has helped you in your grief? Drop it in the comments — your answer

might be exactly what someone else in this community needs today.

And if you want to hear the full story behind each coping tool, the complete episodes are linked below.

🎙️ Full Episodes:

Watch the full episodes:

Link to Ep. 22: https://youtu.be/Oj5HF0xuHhU?si=MU5oBHHuILkhZt6

Link to Ep. 23: https://youtu.be/xRevq_ZcDYo?si=9Pl3DTUQXpJa20Ww

Link to Ep. 24: https://youtu.be/5OEe88S1Sk4?si=ZhPOnLbf6OJr0BXN

Link to Ep. 25: https://youtu.be/aiLqrtJuFI8?si=PuS0JThk4BY43s1m

Link to Ep. 26: https://youtu.be/bTayMPCvKYY?si=gMWPaAyvhobg_VJH

You're not alone in this. And you don't have to figure it out by yourself. Join the Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1Ak2yus1cW/

What Learning to Swim Taught Us About Grief — with Cori Myka | GRIEF Ladies Ep. 25

What could learning to swim possibly have to do with grief?

More than you'd think.

In Episode 25 of GRIEF Ladies: A Guide to What Comes Next, we welcomed Cori Myka, founder of Calm Within Adult Swim, and the conversation took

a turn we didn't expect — in the best possible way.

Fear. Overwhelm. Not Knowing What Comes Next.

Cori works with adults who are terrified of the water. And as she started describing what her clients experience — the fear, the overwhelm,

the pressure to get it right — we couldn't help but notice how much it sounded like grief.

Because grief puts you in a whole new world too. One where you don't know the rules, you don't know what's coming, and everyone around you

seems to expect you to just figure it out.

Cori shared a powerful framework for slowing all of that down — and it turns out it works whether you're standing at the edge of a pool or

standing at the edge of a whole new life without someone you love.

The Takeaway You Can Try Right Now

One of our favorite moments in this episode was when Cori shared a simple, practical tool you can use anywhere — in a meeting, in a grocery

store line, at a family gathering — when a grief wave hits and you need to come back to yourself.

It's small. It's tangible. And it just might help.

You'll have to listen to get the full details. 🎧

Plus — Cori Shares Something Personal

We also asked Cori how she celebrates those who have died in her own life. Her answer was beautiful, unexpected, and something that stuck

with us long after we stopped recording.

Listen to Episode 25 here: https://youtu.be/aiLqrtJuFI8

Connect with Cori:

🌐 adultswimlesson.com

📲 @CalmWithinAdultSwim

Have you ever found an unexpected connection between something in your life and your grief? Tell us in the comments of the video — we'd love to hear it.

Still Celebrating Them: How 5 Guests Honor Those Who Have Died

Grief doesn't end the love. And for so many of us, it doesn't end the celebrating either.

One of the questions I get asked most in the grief community is — is it okay to still celebrate someone who has died? Their birthday. Their

favorite holiday. The little everyday moments that used to belong to them.

The answer is yes. Absolutely, beautifully, yes.

And on GRIEF Ladies: A Guide to What Comes Next, five of our incredible guests showed us exactly how they do it.

This Topic Is Deeply Personal to Me

I recently contributed Chapter 17 to The Ultimate Guide to Self-Healing, Volume 6 — a collaborative project with Brave Healer Productions. My chapter is titled Celebrate Their Life: Focusing on Gratitude, Connection, and What Still Remains.

In it, I share my own grief story. My mom died when I was 14. In November 2024, my dad died too. And learning to stay connected to them changed everything about how I experience grief. The chapter explores how grief and gratitude can coexist — and how honoring the life of someone we love can soften grief without any pressure to move on or let go.

"Grief doesn't ask us to let go of our loved ones — it invites us to find new ways to carry them forward."

I also created a meditation to go alongside the chapter. If you're looking for a gentle place to start, this is it. 💛

▶️ Watch the meditation here: https://youtu.be/ionQT1zRMAE?si=_WNsz0kdodVf-W_8

Check out the Ultimate Guide to Self Healing - Volume 6 at: https://a.co/d/03Wuh0hm

What Does It Mean to Celebrate Those Who Have Died?

Celebrating those who have died looks different for everyone. For some it's a ritual — lighting a candle, cooking their favorite meal, visiting a special place. For others it's showing up to their birthday with balloons and tears and laughter all at once. There is no right way.

There is only your way.

What I've learned from hosting GRIEF Ladies is that the people who find ways to keep celebrating those who have died often find it to be one of the most healing parts of their grief journey. Not because it makes the pain go away — but because it keeps the connection alive.

5 Guests. 5 Ways of Still Celebrating Them.

In this special highlights video, I pulled clips from five recent episodes where each guest shared how they continue to honor and celebrate those who have died.

💛 Featured guests:

- Kelly Myerson (Ep. 22)

- Kat Farace (Ep. 23)

- Charlotte Shuber (Ep. 24)

- Cori Myka (Ep. 25)

- April Hannah (Ep. 26)

Each of these guests brought something so real and so personal to their episode. Watching their clips together in one video is a reminder that grief is not one size fits all — and neither is celebrating those we love who have died.

Watch the Video

▶️ https://youtu.be/qEnbe_t6t3M

I hope this video gives you permission — if you needed it — to keep celebrating. To keep marking the days. To keep saying their name.

If any of these guests' stories resonated with you, I'd love for you to watch their full episodes. You can find them all linked below.

🎙️ Full Episodes:

- Kelly Myerson — Episode 22: https://youtu.be/Oj5HF0xuHhU?si=MU5oBHHuILkhZt6

- Kat Farace — Episode 23: https://youtu.be/xRevq_ZcDYo?si=9Pl3DTUQXpJa20Ww

- Charlotte Shuber — Episode 24: https://youtu.be/5OEe88S1Sk4?si=ZhPOnLbf6OJr0BXN

- Cori Myka — Episode 25: https://youtu.be/aiLqrtJuFI8?si=PuS0JThk4BY43s1m

- April Hannah — Episode 26: https://youtu.be/bTayMPCvKYY?si=gMWPaAyvhobg_VJH

Tell Me — How Do You Celebrate?

How do you celebrate those who have died in your life? Drop it in the comments on the video. This community always shows up for each other, and I know your answer might be exactly what someone else needed to read today.

And if you're not already part of our GRIEF Ladies Facebook community, come join us. It's one of the most real, supportive spaces on the

internet for people navigating grief. 👉 https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1Ak735EmTo/

Improving Communication When No One Understands...

A Free Online Workshop from the GRIEF Ladies

You have people in your life who love you. And somehow, you still feel completely alone in your grief.

They say the wrong things. They move on too quickly. They ask how you are doing, and you say "I'm fine" — because what else are you supposed to say? Because explaining it feels exhausting. Because you're not sure they can really handle the honest answer.

If any of this sounds familiar, we want you to know: this is one of the most common and most painful parts of grief. And it is exactly what Kelly Daugherty and Karyn Arnold are tackling in their upcoming free workshop.

What This Workshop Is About

On Wednesday, April 23rd, from 4 to 5 PM EST, the GRIEF Ladies are hosting a free one-hour online event focused on one of the most frustrating parts of loss: communicating with the people around you when they just don't get it.

They will help you understand why the people who care about you still manage to say all the wrong things — and more importantly, what you can actually do about it.

What You Will Walk Away With

In just one hour, you will gain practical tools to help you:

• Understand why grief makes communication so hard — and why that is not your fault

• Know what to say (and what not to say) in the conversations that feel impossible

• Figure out who is actually safe to confide in — and how to protect your energy with everyone else

• Navigate the comments that sting, even when they come from a good place

• Move forward in relationships that have felt strained or disconnected since your loss

• You will leave with real tools you can use immediately — no matter how recent or long your grief has been.

Who This Is For

This event is open to anyone grieving any type of loss — a partner, parent, child, sibling, friend, or any meaningful relationship. Whether your grief is fresh or has been with you for years, this session is for you if you have ever thought:

"Why doesn't anyone understand what this is like?"

"I don't have the energy to explain myself anymore."

"I wish I knew what to say — or what not to say."

About the GRIEF Ladies

Karyn Arnold and Kelly Daugherty are the founders and facilitators of the GRIEF Ladies, and between them they have spent over 50 years walking alongside thousands of grieving individuals. Their approach is practical, direct, and built around one core belief: that grief is not something you just have to sit with. Actionable steps make all the difference.

Their GRIEF Framework — Grounding, Rebuilding, Interacting, Evolving, and Finding — is the guide they use to help people move from grieving with pain to grieving with love, while staying connected to the people they have lost.

This workshop focuses on the I: Interacting — because how we communicate after loss matters more than most people realize.

Event Details

Date:  Wednesday, April 23, 2025

Time:  4:00 – 5:00 PM EST

Cost:  Free

Register: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule/85af7470/appointment/89553879/calendar/2617012

Reserve Your Free Spot

Space is limited. Register now to receive your link to join.

https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule/85af7470/appointment/89553879/calendar/2617012

Questions? Reach us at griefladies@gmail.com

More resources at www.griefladies.com

Growing Around Grief: Staying Connected While Moving Forward After Loss

Have you ever wondered if it's okay to still feel close to someone who has died? If holding onto their memory somehow means you're not healing — or moving on the "right" way?

You are not alone. And the answer might surprise you.

In this powerful episode (24) of the GRIEF Ladies Podcast, licensed clinical social worker Charlotte Shuber flips the script on what grief is supposed to look like — and gives grieving women permission to carry their loved ones with them, not leave them behind.

You Don't Have to Let Go to Move Forward

One of the most damaging myths about grief is that healing means detaching. That at some point, you pack up the memories, put them away, and "get back to normal."

Charlotte's message is the opposite: staying connected to someone who died is not only healthy — it's part of how we grow.

Rather than moving on, she invites us to move forward — with our loved ones woven into who we are becoming.

What You'll Take Away from This Episode

• Why "letting go" is the wrong goal — and what to reach for instead

• How to interact with your emotions and memories in ways that fuel healing, not avoidance

• Charlotte's personal story of loss and how it shaped her clinical approach

• Practical tools for maintaining a connection with a loved one while still fully living your life

• Why grief is not a problem to solve — it's a relationship to tend

The GRIEF Framework: Interacting

This episode falls under the I — Interacting category of the GRIEF Framework, which focuses on how we engage with our inner world: our emotions, our memories, and the ongoing relationship we have with those we've lost.

Charlotte's approach reminds us that grief is not passive. It requires us to show up — to sit with what hurts, to speak the names of those we love, and to let that love continue to shape us.

About Charlotte Shuber

Charlotte Shuber is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in grief and loss. She works with children, teens, and adults, combining professional expertise with her own lived experience of loss. Charlotte is passionate about creating a compassionate space where people can explore grief openly, adapt to life changes, and discover meaningful ways to stay connected—with loved ones who have died, with others, and with themselves.

Connect with Charlotte:  https://www.creatingspacetherapy.com/charlotte-shuber-lcsw

Ready to Listen?

🎙️ Tune in to this episode of the GRIEF Ladies Podcast wherever you listen to podcasts or on YouTube— and share it with someone who needs to hear that staying connected is not a weakness. It's wisdom.

Because you don't have to choose between honoring them and living fully. You were never meant to.

The GRIEF Ladies Podcast is dedicated to supporting grieving individuals through loss with real conversations, expert guidance, and community.

Self-Esteem & Grief: The Hidden Loss

Self-esteem. Insecurity. Doubt. Just the mention of these words can make us think of a very specific time in our life. Perhaps the teenage years or young adulthood – when how you feel about yourself and your place in the world can be so uncertain. But as time goes on and you settle into your adult life, self-esteem may not seem so important, and it’s not something you may have paid much attention to. In other words, if it’s not great, it’s at least good enough. 

It’s also not something you hear spoken about in grief. And yet significant loss can completely drain and deplete any self-esteem you may have, making it feel impossible to move forward in a healthy or purposeful way. 

So why does confidence take such a hit after loss, and how do we begin to improve this invisible symptom of grief? 

Before we talk about why it’s so common to lose self-esteem in grief, perhaps it’s a good idea to explore why it’s important, and how it serves us in life. 

Most of us think of self-esteem as just a set of (hopefully) good feelings that we have about ourselves. It can be confidence in a skill, talent, career, or perhaps the role we play in the lives of the people around us. We know that self-esteem should probably come from within. But it’s most likely to be raised by compliments from others, or lowered if we think someone doubts our character or abilities. It could be tempting to write off self-esteem as no more than shallow window-dressing, but the truth is it serves a much greater purpose than that. 

Self-esteem is a motivator

Whether we are aware of it or not, we are quite regularly monitoring our own self-worth. Whatever conclusion we come to is going to determine the actions and steps we take. Before we embark on a task we’re deciding, can I do it? Will I succeed? Will it turn out okay? The less confident we feel, the less motivated we become. 

So where does self-esteem come in and how does grief take it away?  

Signs & Symptoms of Grief

For starters, let’s talk about the symptoms of grief. Loss of focus. Feeling exhausted. Feeling scattered. There’s so many changes that can happen after we’ve had a loss. When we add them all up we can be left thinking, “what happened to me? I used to have it so together”. While I talk about the individual signs and symptoms of grief quite a bit, it is the accumulation of these changes that leads to such a deep and significant dip in self-esteem. After all, we’re talking about a loss of almost every good adjective we would have used to describe ourselves in the past. Organized, motivated, optimistic. Our resume of emotional health may not seem to have a lot to offer anymore and a sudden dip in confidence can be attributed directly to it. 

Who We Lost

This one may be easier to see. First, let’s think about the loss of our parents. The people who loved us unconditionally. Or the spouse or partner who had a way of making everything feel okay. Who loved us physically, intellectually, and provided a safe and intimate sense of security. Who am I without these people to tell me I’m good? Or beautiful? Or smart? Did I ever really believe it in the first place or did I just like the way I looked when reflected in their eyes? The level of confidence our loved ones may provide us isn’t something we necessarily recognize as acutely when they’re here. But there’s no doubt it’s something that we can feel the sharp and painful absence of when they’re not. 

Feeling worthy

Most of our routine gets thrown off balance in the wake of loss, but the simple act of eating brings with it unseen complications. In loss a lot of grievers find they struggle to eat anything of substance. After all, they’ll say, “It’s just me”. Recently a widow I spoke with put it a little differently. “I just feel that I’m not really worth it”. I can’t tell you how much this statement surprised me. In the most matter-of-fact way, she simply stated that she just didn’t see the point. Cooking and eating well was worth it when her husband was alive. But now that it was “just” her, eating wasn’t a priority. She didn’t feel that she, or the actions it would take to nourish herself, were worth it.

Making decisions

EVERYTHING feels like a decision after loss, and often we’ve lost the person who helped us make them. Add to that the fact that we are feeling forgetful and scattered in grief. Can I really trust myself to be making the right decision? And what if I’ve made a mistake already like forgetting to pay a bill, or missing an important appointment? Suddenly we don’t trust ourselves the way we used to, and that can create a cycle of fear, indecision, and uncertainty that sends our confidence spiraling even further.

So how do we break the cycle of low self-esteem and insecurity in grief?

First (and this is my answer for a lot of things if I’m being honest) – by recognizing it. Recognize that on the very long list of things that have been lessened, depleted or stolen in grief, self-esteem needs to be added. And not only does it need to be recognized for the hit it’s taken, we need to realize that it’s worth bringing back. As I mentioned before, I am often educating people on the signs & symptoms of acute grief as I strongly believe it’s the validation that helps. To know that you’re not crazy. That you’re not alone. Your thoughts, feelings, and responses to this grief are “normal”, common, and to be expected.

Expectations count for a lot.

When expectations are too high, we get impatient, frustrated, and restless. When they’re too low, we feel hopeless, helpless and useless. It’s a terrible cycle to find yourself in and it will only cause self-esteem to be negatively impacted further.  

Understanding and validating the experience of grief allows us to manage our expectations better. While the losses we face are permanent, the changes we see in ourselves don’t have to be. 

Take a step back and re-enter this grief, ready to define the way you see yourself in a whole new way. 

Feeling lazy?

Grief is exhausting. There is so much mental energy used to process loss and a griever can become immobilized by it. We can accomplish so much less than we’re used to, and still feel more tired than ever. Quite simply, you’re not lazy: you’re grieving.

Feeling forgetful?

Our memory has one very important requirement in order for it to work well: focus. If we want to remember something, we have to be able to focus and concentrate on it in the first place. Grief, and especially “new” grief takes all of our focus. As one griever once said to me, “focus isn’t my problem. The problem is I can ONLY focus on the person I lost”. That’s going to make it hard to be paying attention to (and therefore committing to memory) anything else.

Feeling like you’ve slipped in another important role in your life?

Let’s say you’ve lost your spouse, and no longer feel that you’re able to be the parent you want to be. Or someone who has lost a parent, who is struggling to be upbeat, or engaged with your spouse or kids. Or anyone who has a job or family or friends who has had a loss and feels they have nothing left to give to the work, life, and people who are still here. I really could go on and on. There’s just too many changes and we’re just too hard on ourselves to realize that we are expecting to be everything to everyone… even when everything has changed. 

In the end, it’s not about excuses, it’s about forgiveness and altering our expectations of how we should be feeling, or how soon we should be getting better.  

Raising self-esteem in grief can be as “simple” as being able to validate that GRIEF IS HARD.

We’ve never done this before, there’s no manual to get through it, and every day we’re trying to do just that: get through it. I often say that in grief, we are operating in crisis mode. And the rules are very different in crisis. For example – if someone is ever critically injured and brought to the emergency room, the nurses and doctors may use scissors to cut through their clothing to try and save them. No one cares about a piece of clothing in the middle of crisis. Getting this person better is the only thing that matters in that moment. But if we go to the doctor for our regular check up, we would be stunned and outraged if they pulled out a pair of scissors to cut through our shirt! 

Our expectations for “normal” life are very different then they are in times of high stress and trauma. And I think every griever can agree that nothing feels normal after loss. Our expectations need to change to reflect that.

The rules of crisis are very different.

Allowing yourself to understand that should also help you know that the expectations should be different too. What we have to do to get through, get by and survive, especially in early grief – should not be an indication of who we are right now and it certainly doesn’t have to define us in the long term.

Be gentle to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Celebrate the small victories (like mowing the lawn for the first time or cooking a meal) by realizing that they’re not small at all. Congratulate yourself for every single thing you accomplish in grief, and forgive the times when you feel you’re not accomplishing enough. 

The hope is to eventually string enough victories and good feelings together to restore and rebuild your spirit. And hopefully along with it…your self-esteem.

When the Person Who Helped You Feel Safe Dies

Grief is often described as heartbreak, sadness, or longing. But for many grieving individuals, one of the most confusing and distressing experiences is feeling emotionally unsafe after a loss.

People often say things like:

“I don’t feel like myself anymore. I don’t even know who I am.”
“Everything feels harder than it used to.”
“I don’t know how to calm myself down.”
“I feel anxious or numb all the time.”

These reactions are deeply rooted in attachment and the loss of co-regulation. And within the GRIEF Ladies Framework: Grounding, Rebuilding, Interacting, Evolving, and Finding, this kind of loss often shakes the very first trail marker: Grounding.

Attachment and Emotional Safety

Attachment theory, originally developed by John Bowlby and expanded through decades of research, helps explain why certain losses feel especially destabilizing. Humans are biologically wired to seek safety through connection. From early childhood through adulthood, attachment relationships help us feel secure, regulated, and supported during times of stress.

Attachment figures, including parents, spouses, close friends, and even our children, are often the people we turn to when we are overwhelmed, worried, or distressed. They help us:

• Calm our nervous system

• Organize our emotions

• Think through our decisions

• Feel grounded

• Help us feel safe

Over time, these relationships become part of how emotional regulation happens.

What Is Co-Regulation?

Co-regulation refers to the process by which our nervous systems are soothed, stabilized, and organized through connection with others.

A partner’s reassuring voice at the end of a stressful day.
A parent’s steady presence letting you know things will be okay.
A loved one helping you think clearly during a crisis.

These are examples of co-regulation in action. Often, we are not consciously aware of how much co-regulation a relationship provides until it is gone.

When someone who served as a primary source of emotional regulation dies, grief includes more than missing the person. It includes the loss of emotional safety and nervous system stability.

And that is why grief can feel so physically and emotionally disorienting.

When a co-regulator dies, many grieving individuals experience:

• Increased anxiety or panic

• Overwhelmed with emotions

• Numbness or shutdown

• Difficulty making decisions

• Exhaustion, even after a full night of sleep

• A sense of being “lost”

These reactions are not signs of weakness or pathology. They are common nervous system responses to the loss of a co-regulator. The body is adjusting to the absence of someone who helped it feel safe.

Within the GRIEF Ladies Framework, this often impacts more than just Grounding:

• Rebuilding feels harder because routines were shared.

• Interacting changes because the person you turned to is no longer physically present.

• Evolving can bring roadblock emotions like anger, guilt, or fear.

• Finding meaning may feel impossible in the early stages.

When someone functioned as your “safe base” or emotional anchor, their death disrupts not only daily life, but also your internal compass.

Staying Connected Without Staying Stuck

For many years, grief was framed as a process of “letting go.” We now know that this is not current. Research supports that maintaining a connection with the person who died can be healthy and adaptive.

In the GRIEF Ladies Framework, this connects closely with Finding.

Many grieving individuals continue to experience support through:

• Talking about their loved one and asking, “What would they say to me in this situation?”

• Carrying forward their loved one’s values

• Rituals that honor the person’s life, such as lighting a candle on hard days

• Moments of felt connection during stress

• Staying connected to pets or safe people who offer comfort

Staying connected does not mean avoiding grief or refusing to move forward. For many, it is precisely what helps regulate the nervous system and create meaning after loss.

Rebuilding Emotional Safety After Loss

Healing after the death of an attachment figure is not about replacing the person who died. It is about rebuilding emotional safety in new ways. Within the GRIEF Ladies Framework, this often looks like walking through each trail marker intentionally:

Grounding

Learning nervous system regulation skills, including practicing breathing exercises, building body awareness, and making sure you are getting enough sleep.

Rebuilding

Energy mapping: identifying what drains you, what restores you, and how to pace yourself in grief and re-establishing small, predictable routines.

Interacting

Expanding safe sources of connection. Allowing others to support you, even if it feels different than before.

Evolving

Practicing self-compassion during emotional waves. Understanding that anger, guilt, fear, or jealousy are often protective emotions.

Finding

Engaging in ways to stay connected to your loved one and exploring how the relationship continues internally, even as life changes externally.

Over time, many grieving individuals learn to offer themselves some of the reassurance and compassion they once received from others while still honoring the ongoing bond with their loved one.

If grief has made you feel emotionally unsafe, anxious, or disconnected, it may not be because you are grieving incorrectly. It may be because your nervous system lost one of its primary sources of safety.

Grief is not only about losing someone you love. It is also about learning how to live and feel safe without the person who helped regulate your emotional world.

GRIEF & YOUR ENERGY

Why grief feels exhausting… and what helps

Have you noticed grief makes everyday tasks feel harder?

You may feel:
• Mentally drained
• Emotionally overwhelmed
• Socially exhausted
• Physically tired

You are not imagining this.

Grief requires a huge amount of nervous system energy.

Many grieving people worry:
“I should be able to handle more.”

But grief is heavy.

Imagine carrying an invisible backpack filled with memories, emotions, and change… all day long.

Of course you get tired.

This is where ENERGY MAPPING can help.

Energy mapping helps you notice:

✔ What drains your energy
✔ What restores your energy
✔ What feels meaningful but still exhausting
✔ How to pace yourself in grief

Some experiences have TWO types of energy cost:

Physical Energy: How much effort your body uses

Emotional Energy: How much grief or stress it activates

Both matter.

Examples:

Talking about your loved one
💛 Meaningful
⚡ Emotionally draining

Family gatherings
💛 Important
⚡ Physically and emotionally tiring

Resting afterward is not weakness.
It is support.

Try this simple reflection:

👉 After I do __________
👉 My body usually feels __________

Awareness helps you plan care instead of pushing through exhaustion.

One helpful strategy is called Recovery Pairing.

This means: Pair draining experiences with supportive ones.

Examples:
Grief ritual → quiet walk
Social event → alone time
Therapy session → calming music or journaling

Grief changes capacity.

Energy mapping helps you work WITH your capacity instead of fighting it.

Pacing grief is how many people survive it.

💬 Reflection Question:
What is one activity that drains your energy right now… and one that helps restore it?

5 Actionable Steps to Cope With Grief (The GRIEF Ladies Framework)

Grief changes everything—but you don’t have to feel stuck or powerless.

In this video, The GRIEF Ladies share 5 actionable steps you can take after loss, based on our GRIEF framework:

Grounding • Rebuilding • Interacting • Evolving • Finding

This compilation features insights from five powerful guest conversations on the GRIEF Ladies Podcast, offering practical tools to help you:

• Feel more grounded when grief feels overwhelming

• Rebuild routines and structure after loss

• Navigate relationships and communication while grieving

• Work through difficult emotions like guilt, anger, and fear

• Stay connected to your loved one while discovering who you are now

Whether you’re newly bereaved or living with ongoing grief, these steps are designed to help you feel better now—without letting go of love or connection.

✨ Grief is not something to “get over.”

✨ You’re allowed to want relief and connection.

✨ Small actions can create meaningful change.

To watch the video of these 5 tools to help you on your grief journey visit: https://youtu.be/EqLGul_LcFs

Why am I still grieving so intensely months/years later?

Many people quietly wonder:

• Why does this still hurt so much?

• Shouldn’t I be feeling better by now?

• Is something wrong with me?

• Why am I still grieving years later?

There’s a lot of pressure in our culture to “be okay” after a certain amount of time. But grief doesn’t follow a calendar or timeline. Grief is not something you get over. It’s something you learn to live with.

Intensity Doesn’t Always Mean Something Is Wrong
Even months or years later, grief can feel intense. Grief waves can still show up unexpectedly. Certain dates, memories, or life events can bring everything back to the surface. This just means your loss mattered.

Grief can feel especially intense or long-lasting when:

• The death was sudden or traumatic

• There were complicated relationship dynamics

• You didn’t get closure

• You were very closely connected

• The loss significantly changed your daily life or your identity

When a death was traumatic, some people don’t just miss the person, they relive aspects of how the death happened. They may experience intrusive memories, mental images, or a sense of being pulled back into the moment they found out. That kind of grief can feel more challenging and difficult to move forward with.

Over time, many people find that grief shifts. It may not dominate every hour of the day. But it doesn’t vanish.
You might function well most days and still have moments when it feels raw. You might laugh more and still miss them deeply. You may build a full life and still carry the absence.
Both things can be true.
Growing around grief doesn’t mean it’s gone. It means your life has expanded enough to hold it.

When to Consider Additional Support:
There is no “correct” timeline. But it may be helpful to seek professional support if:

• The intensity feels constant with little relief

• You are frequently reliving the death itself

• Intrusive memories or images feel overwhelming

• You feel stuck in guilt, anger, or despair

• You are unable to function in daily life

• You feel hopeless or unsafe

Seeking support is not about labeling your grief. It’s about helping you carry it in a way that feels more manageable. Check out Grief in Common with Karyn Arnold for additional resources, including grief groups or grief coaching.

Loneliness and Grief

Why Do I Feel So Alone? Why Does No One Understand Me?

We hear this all the time:
“I can be in a room surrounded by friends and family and still feel completely alone.”

After someone dies, many people begin to question:

• Does anyone actually understand what I’m going through?

• Do people even recognize me anymore?

• Why do I feel so different from everyone else?

• Why does it feel like the world moved on, and I didn’t?

This kind of loneliness is one of the most painful parts of grief.

Loss changes you. It changes how you see the world. It can shift your priorities, your tolerance for small talk, your patience, your energy. You may find that conversations feel surface-level. You may not have the capacity to pretend you’re okay. You may feel like people expect you to “be back to normal.” That disconnect can create a deep sense of isolation even when you’re not physically alone.

In the early days after a death, support is usually visible. Meals are dropped off. Messages are constant. Cards come in the mail. People check in. But as weeks and months pass, the outside world often quiets down as they go back to their everyday lives and the reality of the loss sinks in for you. Your grief may still feel intense, but fewer people are asking how you’re doing. The lack of support can feel frustrating, confusing and painful.

It can lead to thoughts like:

• Maybe I should be further along.

• Maybe I’m too much for them. I don’t want to be a burden.

• Maybe people are tired of hearing about me talk about him/her.

Most of the time, people aren’t intentionally pulling away. They simply don’t know what to say or how to stay present in someone else’s pain.

You Are Not the Only One Who Feels This Way:

Feeling lonely in grief does not mean you are weak or dramatic. It’s a common experience.
Many grieving people say that the most relieving moment is hearing someone else describe exactly what they’ve been thinking but were afraid to say out loud.

What Can Help With Grief and Loneliness?

You can’t force everyone to understand your grief. But you can:

• Seek spaces like the GRIEF Ladies Facebook Community, where grief is openly discussed

• Identify one or two people who feel safe to be honest with

• Allow yourself to step back from conversations that feel draining

• Connect with others who are also living with loss in a grief group

Loneliness in grief is common. It doesn’t mean you are broken. It means you are carrying something significant. And you deserve spaces where your grief is understood.

How to Live with Loss

Many people search for this in the middle of the night:

How do I get over this?
How do I move on?
How do I make this stop hurting?

The truth is, grief is not something you get over. It’s something you learn to live with.

In the Beginning, Grief Can Take Over Everything
In the first few days, weeks, and even months following the death of a loved one, grief often feels overwhelming. It can impact:

• Your sleep

• Your focus

• Your relationships

• Your work

• Your sense of identity

• Your ability to plan for the future

It can feel like grief is touching every part of your life at once. When you're feeling that it’s common to want relief and fast.
As you move forward, grief often looks and feels different. It may not dominate every moment of your day. The waves may become less constant. You may find ways to function, to laugh again, to engage in life. That doesn’t mean the grief is gone.
It means you are growing around it.

Some people describe it this way: your grief doesn’t necessarily shrink, but your life begins to expand. You grow bigger than your grief. There is more room inside you for joy, connection, purpose, and memory alongside the pain.
The love is still there. The loss is still real. But it isn’t consuming every breath.

So What Actually Helps?

You don’t “get over” a loss by forcing yourself to move on. You learn to live with it by:

• Developing coping skills for when waves hit

• Rebuilding routines and structure

• Learning how to talk about your grief

• Finding ways to stay connected to the person who died

• Allowing both hard emotions and moments of relief

This is the kind of practical, real-life approach we focus on inside the GRIEF Ladies Facebook Community, a place where people share what it’s really like to live with loss and support one another through it.

There is no deadline for healing. There is no requirement to “be done” with your grief. Learning to live with loss is a gradual process. And it’s okay if you’re still in the part where it feels heavy. You are not behind. You are grieving.

Is My Grief Normal?

Many grieving individuals worry if what they are feeling is normal, or if what they’re feeling is too much, not enough, or somehow wrong. This is one of the most common questions people ask after the death of someone they love.

In grief groups, we constantly hear:
“I am going to say something that might sound crazy, but…”
“I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
And almost every time, heads nod around the room in agreement

The reality is that while grief is unique, many grieving individuals experience similar reactions.

Common and normal grief symptoms include:

• Grief brain (forgetfulness, brain fog, difficulty concentrating)

• Grief Bursts: sudden waves of emotion or tears “out of nowhere.”

• Physical symptoms like headaches, stomach aches, a tight chest, or extreme exhaustion

• Sleep changes- extreme exhaustion, trouble falling or staying asleep

• Increased anxiety or irritability

• Feeling disconnected from friends and family

• Deep loneliness

• Questioning your faith or worldview

• Feeling okay one moment and a complete mess the next

  These are all very normal reactions, and this list could go on and on. Grief does not move through predictable stages. It does not follow a straight timeline. It often comes in waves, and there is no timeline for how long this will last.

  
  If you want to hear real conversations about what grief actually feels like, including grief brain, triggers, and why waves happen, we talk openly about this on the GRIEF Ladies podcast, where we normalize the parts of grief people are often afraid to say out loud. Check out new episodes every Wednesday, which is available on all major podcast platforms and YouTube at: GRIEF Ladies - YouTube

Family Support While Grieving: Why It Can Feel So Complicated

By Karyn Arnold, one of the GRIEF Ladies from Grief In Common

For many people, family support while grieving quickly becomes the hardest place to feel steady after loss — and that can come as a real surprise.

They knew the person. They loved them too. Surely this would be the place where support came most naturally. This was supposed to feel familiar, or at least steady. When that doesn’t happen, the disappointment can run deep. People are often left wondering why something they counted on no longer feels there.

What follows often goes beyond frustration. Loneliness sets in. A sense of safety disappears. A quiet worry creeps up: Is something broken in my family now? Is this how it’s always going to feel?

Family Support While Grieving Isn’t Shared in the Same Way

One of the biggest sources of tension in grieving families comes from the belief that everyone is mourning the same loss.

Even when the person is the same, the loss is not.

• A partner loses the person they built daily life with.

• A child loses a parent.

• A sibling loses shared history.

The day-to-day impact also differs, especially for the family member(s) who shared living space with the person who is gone.

Grief becomes harder when we expect one another to cope, feel, or recover in similar ways — or on the same timeline. When no one names those expectations, misunderstandings grow quickly.

When the Struggle Isn’t Just With the Family You Were Born Into

For some, the strain shows up with parents or siblings. For others, it hits closer to home.

A spouse may want things to “get back to normal.” Children may feel uncomfortable with your sadness. Loved ones may rush, minimize, or avoid grief because they don’t know how to sit with it.

The sense of isolation can grow when you aren’t feeling supported or understood in your own home, and some of the disappointment can feel greatest with the family we chose.

When Support Comes From Somewhere Unexpected

Many grieving people feel surprised when they start leaning more on friends, coworkers, or people outside their family.

That shift can feel unsettling.

Often, it has less to do with love and more to do with capacity. Family members are grieving too. They may feel overwhelmed or emotionally flooded. Someone a step outside the inner circle may simply have more room to listen or stay steady.

This is why finding grief support outside the family matters so much.

When Grief Strains — or Breaks — the Family System

Sometimes these changes stay quiet. Other times, they explode.

Grief exposes old dynamics, unresolved conflicts, and long-standing family roles. Disagreements can escalate fast, especially around money, the estate, or decision-making. When that happens, it can feel like the loss fractured the family itself.

Here’s what matters: conflict during grief does not mean a family is permanently broken. It means the system is under extreme strain.

Why We Talk About Family Support While Grieving

This is one of many reasons Karyn Arnold and Kelly Daugherty came together to create the GRIEF Ladies.

Together, they bring nearly 50 years of professional grief experience, supporting people through the loss of spouses, parents, siblings, and complicated family relationships. The GRIEF Ladies includes a website, podcast, Facebook community, upcoming book series, and ongoing grief education.

Family strain is only one part of the work — but it is a deeply painful one.

Again and again, people ask the same question:
Why does this hurt so much with the people who matter most?

How the GRIEF Framework Helps When Family Support Falls Apart

Family conflict is just one way grief shows up, but it highlights something important. You cannot fix or change anyone else. You cannot undo what happened.

What you do have is the present — and yourself within it.

The GRIEF framework guides where your time, energy, and attention can go when everything feels out of control. It offers clear direction for caring for yourself in ways that actually help.

G — Grounding

Grief affects the nervous system and the body, not just emotions. When family support while grieving feels unreliable, many people ignore basic needs to hold everything together.

Grounding means caring for yourself as an individual, even during family stress.

Sleep, food, focus on breath, and movement matter more than most people expect. Supporting your body helps stabilize your emotions when everything else feels shaky.

R — Rebuilding

Loss disrupts routines, roles, and identity. Family systems once revolved around the person who is gone. Now everyone is adjusting.

Rebuilding structure and boundaries helps you stay steadier during difficult interactions. Even small routines create predictability when everything feels unfamiliar — including your family.

I — Interacting

Interacting focuses on how grief changes communication and connection.

It includes naming needs, understanding that everyone grieves differently, and keeping expectations realistic. It also means making space for hard conversations that help preserve relationships as they shift.

Sometimes a simple, “I’m having a hard time — how about you?” opens more ground than silence ever could.

E — Evolving

Grief brings emotions many people don’t expect: anger, guilt, regret, resentment. These feelings often show up in families, where history runs deep.

You may feel angry about decisions, resentful of behavior, or hurt by how your loved one was treated. These reactions can feel uncomfortable or even shameful.

They are also normal.

Anger often sits right beside sadness. These feelings need somewhere to go. Talking with a trusted friend, journaling, or joining a grief group helps release what builds up inside. You don’t have to act on every thought — but you don’t need to carry them alone.

F — Finding

Loss raises questions without quick answers: Who am I now? What does my family look like? Where do I find support?

Finding doesn’t mean resolving everything. It means noticing what supports you now and letting that be enough for the moment.

Rather than deciding what your family will look like forever, focus on what helps you get through today and this week. Support can take new forms without meaning something has been lost for good.

This Isn’t (or Doesn’t Have To Be) How It Will Always Be

That fear — that your family is broken or that things will always feel this strained — is common.

It also isn’t the full story.

Families change under the weight of grief. Sometimes painfully.

With understanding, realistic expectations, and support that doesn’t rely on one person to carry everything, those bonds can survive — and sometimes even strengthen.

Work With Us

If struggles with family support while grieving feel familiar, this is just one example of the challenges the GRIEF framework was built to help with.

In their work as the GRIEF Ladies, Karyn Arnold and Kelly Daugherty see grief show up in many ways — identity, routine, motivation, self-worth, relationships, and the question of how to live after loss.

The GRIEF framework offers structure when grief feels chaotic. It helps you put limited energy into places that support you, instead of trying to manage everything — or everyone — at once.

Through the GRIEF Ladies podcast, support offerings, video series, and upcoming book, the framework is explored in greater depth with practical tools you can return to as grief continues to change.

The goal is steady support — something to come back to when you feel overwhelmed, uncertain, or unsure what to do next.

Evolving: The Journey of Grief and Recovery with Amanda McKoy Flanagan

In this episode of the GRIEF Ladies podcast, Karyn Arnold and Kelly Daugherty engage with Amanda McKoy Flanagan, a certified intuitive loss and empowerment coach, to explore the complexities of grief and loss.

Amanda shares her personal journey through grief, including the impact of significant losses in her life and how she maintained her sobriety amidst these challenges.

The conversation delves into coping mechanisms, the importance of connection in recovery, and actionable steps for those navigating grief.

Amanda emphasizes the significance of celebrating the lives of loved ones and maintaining connections while also encouraging listeners to practice self-compassion and reach out to others

Listen to it wherever you get your podcasts and on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/jm4jN2JEfdQ?si=utOFdfmNt5rU-Niq