What Should You Do When You're Grieving? 5 Experts Share One Action Step Each

Grief can make it hard to know where to start. Each expert in this post is a guest from the GRIEF Ladies Podcast, and each one was asked a single question: what is one actionable step a grieving person can take right now? Their answers span every letter of the GRIEF Ladies framework — and together, they give you a place to begin.

G · Grounding: What can you do when grief is keeping you up at night?

Sleep is one of the first things grief disrupts — and one of the hardest to reclaim. Dr. Larissa Tate, a clinical psychologist specializing in sleep, anxiety, and trauma, shares that grief sleep disturbances are not a personal failing. They are a physiological response to loss, and there are evidence-based tools to address them.

Dr. Tate's action step: start with your sleep environment and your wind-down routine before reaching for medication. Small, consistent changes — what time you go to bed, how much light you're exposed to in the evening, what you do in the hour before sleep — can create meaningful shifts over time.

📊 Stat: Research shows that bereaved individuals are significantly more likely to experience insomnia than the general population, with some studies indicating rates as high as 40–50% among the newly bereaved. Sleep disruption can worsen emotional regulation, concentration, and physical health — making it one of the most important areas to address early in grief.

🎙️ Listen to the full episode with Dr. Larissa Tate on sleep and grief

R · Rebuilding: How do you support a child who is grieving?

Children grieve differently than adults, and they often need adults to help them rebuild a sense of safety and routine after a loss. Jennifer joined us to talk about what children actually need when someone they love has died — and what the adults around them can do to help.

Her action step: don't wait for a child to bring it up. Create space for the conversation by naming what happened directly and age-appropriately. Children take cues from the adults around them. When adults are willing to talk about death, children learn that their feelings are safe to share.

🎙️ Listen to the full episode with Jennifer on children and grief

I · Interacting: How does a funeral director help families communicate during grief?

Grief changes every relationship — and the days immediately following a death can bring out both the best and the most complicated parts of family dynamics. Brittany DeMarco-Furman, a fourth-generation licensed funeral director at Glenville Funeral Home, has guided hundreds of families through those first hours and days.

Her action step: have the conversation before you need to. Pre-planning a funeral — or even just talking openly about end-of-life wishes — is one of the most loving things a family can do for each other. It removes the burden of guessing during the hardest moments, and it opens a door for honest communication about what matters.

💬 Quote: "It's the last gift you can give your family." — Brittany DeMarco-Furman

🎙️ Listen to the full episode with Brittany DeMarco-Furman on family communication and grief

E · Evolving: What do you do when grief emotions feel impossible to sit with?

The emotions that show up in grief — anger, guilt, fear, regret — can feel like walls rather than doorways. Holly McNeill, known as The Mindfulness Architect, developed the P.E.R.L.O.V.E. Formula after her own experience of profound personal loss. Her work focuses on helping people understand how their minds function under stress so they can engage with pain more consciously.

Her action step: pause before you react to a difficult emotion. You don't have to fix the feeling or push it away — just notice it. Mindfulness isn't about becoming calm; it's about becoming curious. That small shift from reaction to observation can change your entire relationship to the emotion.

📊 Stat: Studies on mindfulness-based interventions for grief have found reductions in grief-related rumination and increases in psychological flexibility among bereaved participants. The ability to observe emotions without being consumed by them is a trainable skill — not a personality trait.

🎙️ Listen to the full episode with Holly McNeill on mindfulness and grief

F · Finding: How do you grieve a pet when no one around you understands?

Pet loss is one of the most common forms of disenfranchised grief — grief that isn't fully recognized or validated by others. Adam Greenbaum created Love Baxter, the world's largest pet end-of-life resource, after the death of his Boston Terrier, Baxter, in October 2024. His episode is a reminder that the grief you feel for an animal is not small, and you don't have to explain it to anyone.

His action step: find your people. Seek out communities — online or in person — where pet loss is taken seriously and your grief is welcome. Isolation makes grief harder. Connection, even with strangers who understand, makes it more bearable.

🎙️ Listen to the full episode with Adam Greenbaum on pet loss and finding connection

One framework. Five action steps. A place to begin.

The GRIEF Ladies framework — Grounding, Rebuilding, Interacting, Evolving, and Finding — was built on the understanding that grief touches every part of life. There is no single right place to start. But there is always somewhere. The five guests in this post each offer one small, real step you can take in the area of grief that feels most pressing for you right now.

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Grief Support That Actually Helps: Meet the Grief Ladies

Most people who are grieving have heard the same things: there’s no right way to grieve, give it time, let yourself feel it. And while there is truth in all of that, it leaves out the most important question — what do you actually do?

That is the question behind The Grief Ladies podcast. Hosts Kelly Daugherty, LCSW, and Karyn Arnold bring over 50 combined years of experience supporting grieving individuals — and in Episode 1, they introduce themselves, share what drew them to this work, and lay out the GRIEF framework that will guide the entire series.

Kelly’s path into grief work began at 14, after the death of her mother, when she walked into a hospice grief group and finally felt less alone. Karyn found her way in through bereavement work with seniors in her mid-20s — and never looked back. Together, they share a belief that grief is not something to simply endure. There are real tools, practical steps, and small shifts that can make a meaningful difference.

In this episode, you’ll hear about the GRIEF framework — a step-by-step approach covering Grounding, Rebuilding, Interacting, Evolving, and Finding — and why moving forward does not mean leaving your loved one behind. It means taking them with you.

▶️  Listen to Episode 1:  https://youtu.be/_0ld4dnUT7I?si=89da5nbDXHa9KOmZ

GRIEF & YOUR ENERGY

Why grief feels exhausting… and what helps

Have you noticed grief makes everyday tasks feel harder?

You may feel:
• Mentally drained
• Emotionally overwhelmed
• Socially exhausted
• Physically tired

You are not imagining this.

Grief requires a huge amount of nervous system energy.

Many grieving people worry:
“I should be able to handle more.”

But grief is heavy.

Imagine carrying an invisible backpack filled with memories, emotions, and change… all day long.

Of course you get tired.

This is where ENERGY MAPPING can help.

Energy mapping helps you notice:

✔ What drains your energy
✔ What restores your energy
✔ What feels meaningful but still exhausting
✔ How to pace yourself in grief

Some experiences have TWO types of energy cost:

Physical Energy: How much effort your body uses

Emotional Energy: How much grief or stress it activates

Both matter.

Examples:

Talking about your loved one
💛 Meaningful
⚡ Emotionally draining

Family gatherings
💛 Important
⚡ Physically and emotionally tiring

Resting afterward is not weakness.
It is support.

Try this simple reflection:

👉 After I do __________
👉 My body usually feels __________

Awareness helps you plan care instead of pushing through exhaustion.

One helpful strategy is called Recovery Pairing.

This means: Pair draining experiences with supportive ones.

Examples:
Grief ritual → quiet walk
Social event → alone time
Therapy session → calming music or journaling

Grief changes capacity.

Energy mapping helps you work WITH your capacity instead of fighting it.

Pacing grief is how many people survive it.

💬 Reflection Question:
What is one activity that drains your energy right now… and one that helps restore it?