Feeling Stuck in Grief? You Are Not Alone — and Here Is Why It Happens
Feeling stuck in your grief?
Recently, Karyn and I were doing a live for our GRIEF Ladies Facebook Community and we were asked this question:
“My husband died five years ago, but I feel stuck and frozen. I understand that grief doesn’t have a timeline, but I can’t seem to make any progress with moving forward. I don’t care about much. I have no motivation or interest in things. I’ve tried therapists and a grief group, but nothing seemed to help.”
If any part of that resonates with you, please know: what you are experiencing is real, it is common, and there are reasons it happens. Here is a summary of how we answered this question.
Why Grief Can Feel Harder as Time Goes On
It might seem counterintuitive, but many people find that grief becomes more difficult — not easier — after the first year or two. Early grief, while devastating, often comes with what we describe as a kind of “novelty.” There is a lot happening: practical decisions to make, people around you, rituals to attend to. You are in motion, even if that motion is painful.
As time passes, the busyness fades. The people around you may have moved on. And suddenly you are left with a quieter, heavier question: “What now? Is this it?” That stillness can strip away motivation and leave you feeling like nothing will ever change.
There is also the issue of comparison. When we look at our current life in grief, we often measure it against the life we had before our loss. That is an incredibly painful comparison to make, and it can quietly fuel a sense of hopelessness.
Your Nervous System May Be Keeping You Stuck
The word “frozen” is significant. It is not just a metaphor — it can be a physiological response. When we experience profound loss, our nervous system responds. For many people, especially those who lost someone who was their primary source of safety and connection, the nervous system can get locked into what is called a dorsal vagal response: collapse, shutdown, and numbness.
This is your body trying to protect you. It is not a weakness. It is not a character flaw. It is an old, hard-wired survival mechanism. Understanding this distinction matters, because the path forward is not about pushing harder or willing yourself to feel better — it is about gently and incrementally helping your nervous system feel safe enough to re-engage with life.
Roadblock Emotions That Keep Us From Moving Forward
Being stuck is often not just about sadness. Beneath the surface, other emotions frequently act as roadblocks:
• Guilt — for feeling better, for moving forward, for moments of joy
• Anger — at the loss, at circumstances, at the unfairness of it all
• Fear — of the future, of forgetting your loved one, of who you are without them
• Identity loss — “Who am I now?” is one of the most disorienting aspects of grief
One pattern we see frequently, particularly among widows and widowers: a deep-seated fear of feeling better. Many grieving people tell us they feel guilty when they experience happiness, as though moving forward is a betrayal of their loved one. We want to name this clearly — it is not. Moving forward is not leaving your person behind. It is learning to carry them with you.
Not All Therapy and Grief Support Is the Same
If you have tried therapy or a grief group and felt it did not help, please do not take that as evidence that nothing can help you. Consider this: only about 60% of therapists received any education in grief and loss during their training. That means a significant number of well-meaning clinicians simply are not equipped to support grieving clients effectively.
Finding the right therapeutic support is a bit like finding the right bathing suit — the first one you try might not be the right fit, but that does not mean the right one is not out there. We would encourage you to seek out a grief-informed therapist or coach, someone who offers practical tools and not just a space to talk.
The same applies to grief groups. Peer-led groups offer real value, but a group facilitated by a grief-informed professional — one that is action-oriented and gives you tools and frameworks — can be a different experience entirely.
You Grow Around Your Grief — Not Past It
We want to offer one more reframe that we find genuinely helpful: you do not “get over” grief. Your grief does not disappear. What is possible — and what we have seen in our work again and again — is that you grow bigger than your grief. It is still there. But you expand around it.
That expansion happens through small, incremental steps. It happens through connection with others who understand. It happens through the right support, and through learning to move forward with your loved one — not without them.
A Note to Anyone Who Is Stuck Right Now
If you are reading this and recognizing yourself, we want you to hear this: you are not broken. You are not failing at grief. Your nervous system is doing what it was designed to do. Your emotions are real and valid. And the fact that you are still asking questions, still looking for support, still reaching out — that matters.
We wish none of us had to navigate this. But we do know that you do not have to navigate it alone. Join our GRIEF Ladies Community to hear more answers to our group members questions. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1AdC4voMEG/
What Does Grief Feel Like? (Emotionally & Physically)
What Does Grief Feel Like?
Grief is not just emotional. It affects your thoughts, your behaviors, your body, and sometimes your spiritual or existential beliefs. Many people are surprised by how physical grief feels. If you’re wondering whether what you’re experiencing is normal, you’re not alone.
Grief Is More Than Sadness
People often expect grief to feel like sadness. But many describe it as a bundled-up box of emotions, multiple feelings happening all at once.
You might experience:
Sadness and anger in the same hour
Relief and guilt together
Numbness followed by intense emotion
Anxiety, fear, or irritability
A sense of meaninglessness or questioning your beliefs
Grief is rarely one emotion at a time. It can feel layered and unpredictable.
The Cognitive Effects of Grief
Grief can impact how you think. Many people report:
Brain fog
Forgetfulness
Trouble concentrating
Difficulty making decisions
Re-reading the same sentence multiple times
This is often called “grief brain,” and it’s a common reaction after a significant loss.
The Physical Symptoms of Grief
Grief is stored in the body. It can feel heavy, almost like you’re physically carrying something.
Common physical symptoms of grief include:
Extreme exhaustion
Sleep disruption
Headaches
Stomachaches or digestive changes
Muscle tension or body aches
Tightness in the chest
Changes in appetite
Research shows that stress levels increase during grief, and inflammation in the body can rise. This can make you feel run down and more susceptible to illness. You’re not imagining it. Grief can truly be physical.
Behavioral and Spiritual Shifts
You may also notice changes in how you behave or see the world:
Withdrawing from others
Losing interest in activities you once enjoyed
Avoiding certain places or conversations
Questioning your faith or long-held beliefs
Feeling different from who you used to be
Loss has a way of shaking the foundation of how we understand life.
If this sounds familiar, it's because grief can feel overwhelming, as it impacts so many areas at once. It isn’t “just” emotional. It’s a full-body, full-life experience.
If you want to hear real conversations about what grief actually feels like, including grief brain, physical symptoms, and emotional waves, we talk openly about this on the GRIEF Ladies podcast, as well as tools to help you with these feelings and symptoms. New episodes come out every Wednesday as we go through our GRIEF Ladies Framework- Grieving, Rebuilding, Interacting, Evolving, and Finding.